Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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