There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
