there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
