They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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