If i come over, it means nothing
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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