This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
