There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just pee around me
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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