Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
