He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
