Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
