I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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