Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
