Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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