She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize