I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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