the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
