I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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