You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
