Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
