I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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