he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
