i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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