Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
