so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize