Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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