I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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