I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
