Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
