McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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