There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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