you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
