Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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