I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
