The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
