This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
