just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
