the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
