i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
