my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
