I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize