How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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