i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
