I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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