Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
