I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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