they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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