Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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