Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
