Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we have officially lost it.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
