i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
