I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
