It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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