At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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