I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There's always time for handjobs
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize