I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
