I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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