Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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