Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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