evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
