Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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