i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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