YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
