He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
