Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
