Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
