remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
