ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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